You encounter a 90 year-old couple canoodling at the playground (aww!) . But what, precisely, did it take for this connection to continue long–and still preserve some spark? He interviewed over 700 individuals who’ve been married for a total of 40,000 years as part of their Cornell Marriage Advice Project. Here is what he’s discovered are the most frequent advice from older couples who have stayed together for 30, 40 or even 50 decades of marriage.
Just get married if you are in love. Like, butterflies in your gut love. For both of you. The feeling will not last forever, obviously, but it will help your union tremendously in the event that you don’t feel like you’re settling as it starts.
It may seem like a cliché, however, Pillemer finds continuous communication is the trick to a lasting relationship. Prior to getting married, speak about your values and be sure they are compatible. Do not just talk about in the event that you would like to own children–discuss how you’ll raise them. Speak about money–the way you intend to manage things and if you would like to retire. Then, as soon as you’re married, speak when you are happy and miserable, what feels good and what does not, what turns you off and on. Do not make excuses that you are the “strong silent type.” Those individuals are in longterm relationships, also. Nevertheless, they learned the way to discuss their emotions.